10 Life-lessons I learned from my Child

It’s said that a “Child gives birth to a Mother”! I couldn’t agree more. I can describe my own experience as a sort of re-birth where I grew with my baby. I unlearnt what I knew of the world – even the way I was parented – and learned the skills required to navigate as a new mom (a new-age mom too), and then to a seasoned one. It’s a job like no other, and an experience that cannot be described with words. 

Foremost, I found that the parenting paradigm has vastly evolved since we were kids. Today’s parents are both teachers and pupils to their children. There’s a lot of emphasis on the holistic growth of the child. Parents are now teaching their kids to be curious, to explore, and to challenge – not just obey. I am of the same mindset and have always maintained the stance that I learn more from my wilful toddler than him from me. 

So here it is, the10 biggest life-lessons that I learned from my child. 

1. Prioritizing self
2. Making my wants heard
3. Speaking my mind
4. A ‘No’ means ‘No’
5. Eating for ‘Need’, not for ‘Greed’
6. Finding Joy in little things
7. Treating everyone equally
8. Forgiving Easily
9. Incessant Learning
10. Letting the inner child stay alive

Prioritizing self

This one is a no-brainer. Everyone who has ever seen a baby, let alone mothered them, knows that children under 3-years don’t see ‘beyond’ unless their needs are met. Come hell or high water, they’ll get you to fulfill their basic needs and tend to their own before anyone else’s desires. This is explained by the Psychoanalytic theory of development as the ‘Id’ stage or the unconscious energy state focused on satisfying the basic needs and urges. The other two stages are the super-ego or the moral conscience, and the ego or the realistic part that mediates between super-ego and Id. As we grow up we slowly balance the ego and super-ego and start prioritizing everyone else’s needs over ours. Especially, when we become wives and mothers a sense of self is lost somewhere. We serve, and that’s all we are appreciated for. When I saw my child relentlessly demonstrate the worth of self, I couldn’t help but come to terms with the reality that I had to prioritize myself over a load of laundry or the dirty dishes. My self-care was of utmost importance cause ‘no one can pour from an empty vessel’. I needed to show myself the love I was seeking from outside!

Making my wants heard

An extension to the self-love realm is voicing your needs and wants. Whether it is for more help with chores, baby care, or some ‘me-time’. Unless I spoke loud and clear about what I needed help with – it was almost never given. Obvious isn’t it – people around you can’t give something you never asked for! As I started voicing my needs – just like my baby – they were met. I achieved more balance and sanity. 

Speaking my mind

Ever admired how simply and eloquently kids are able to speak their minds without any filters and pretenses unlike adults. These hesitations are the real reason for our grief. We keep swallowing our feelings – burying them deep inside – till it’s an extreme situation and we have no other choice but to explode. Futile, isn’t it?  Why reach that point when you can resolve what you truly feel by putting them in clear calm words! I am by no means asking you to blurt out whatever you feel if it’s unkind or untrue. There’s always a firm, yet polite, way of voicing your opinions and you should do that no matter who’s in front of you. 

A ‘No’ means ‘No’

Somehow as we become adults we lose the firmness to say ‘No’ to things we don’t want to do for the fear of being judged. For a child, it’s straightforward. A ‘No’ means a ‘No’ Mumma, my kid often exclaims. I don’t want to finish the food on my plate because I am no longer hungry. I don’t want to go to a certain place because I get bored. I don’t want to hold a conversation with someone I am not comfortable with. I will not do something just because you want me to. It all makes sense to me, and I am trying to emulate the same fearlessness to say ‘No’ to things I really don’t want to do. It’s liberating! Try it. 

Eating for ‘Need’, not for ‘Greed’

My kid is so connected to his stomach that it makes me ache sometimes. He knows how much he wants to eat and no amount of pestering can make him take an extra bite. It doesn’t matter if the food served is a delicacy or his favorite dish – the amount consumed is the amount needed. Always. This is an important life-skill that I learned, which has the potential to solve most of my weight-management provided I follow it religiously. 

Finding Joy in little things

One of the most beautiful things about being a child is simplicity, unadulterated by the complexities of the world. Easily pleased with small things and equally displeased with slight mishappenings. Seeing my child revel in joy shoveling snow or playing in mud made me realize that we don’t necessarily need big things to make us happy. We just need the mindset to be happy! 

Treating everyone equally

It’s through the learning of rules, often unspoken, that we behave in a certain way with certain people. A child doesn’t know of any rules or social boundaries. So, they treat everyone with love and equanimity provided the other is doing the same. It’s time we unlearn the societal rules and treat people for the content of their hearts and not their wallets. 

Forgiving Easily

Have you heard the statement “a mother’s love is unconditional and ever forgiving”?. I think this skill was learned from a child as well. I believe it’s children who are deeply forgiving and accepting of the parents rather than it being the other way round. Imagine behaving as rudely as you did with your child with someone else. Would they forgive you? Parents expect a lot from their kids and it’s an age-old adage. Children, on the other hand, are most satisfied with their parent’s love and care. Their forgiveness extends to family and friends too. It’s this skill that helps them navigate through life with no baggage whatsoever. I’ve felt much lighter since I imbibed this learning in my own life! 

Incessant Learning

Children learn major skills in the first 6-years of their lives – about 60% of total life’s learnings take place during this stage. They are also the happiest during this age. Therefore, I gleefully conclude that there is a link between learning and happiness. My life, for one, is a testimony to the fact. I have always been an ardent learner, and that’s always provided me deep satisfaction and joy. I would go as far as saying ‘we stop learning the day we die’. 

Letting the inner child stay alive

The best thing about becoming a parent is that I can now be a child freely. Read that again. It’s true, I enjoy the silly games and sights like my kid and it’s so much fun!

I can’t help but recollect the words of William Wordsworth, because that’s how I feel right now. Things that got me excited as a child, still do as an adult and I wish that they continue to do so! 

“My heart leaps up when I behold
A rainbow in the sky:
So was it when my life began;
So is it now I am a man;
So be it when I shall grow old,
Or let me die!
The Child is the father of the Man;
And I could wish my days to be
Bound each to each by natural piety.” 

My worthy reader, if there’s one thing I am going to ask you to do for me today it’s to let your inner child stay alive. No masking of feelings, no people-pleasing! Love yourself first, and own your story! 

I’ll catch you later with more inspiring memoirs. 

Till then, 

Cheers!